Our Uncomposed God

I’m typing this sitting in a doctors office in Boston, Massachusetts.  I’ve traveled across the country to sit in a chair beside one of my dearest friends in the world and so I can hold her hand while people say really hard things to her and operate on her and give her shots in very unpleasant places.

Recently, I have a bit of an empathy situation. It’s out of control and awkward.  Today my sweet strong friend was doing AWESOME in her appointment and there I was – on the verge of tears.  Hold it together fabs. Hold it together.

Resources on depression

Obviously the internet is all a-twitter (see what I did there) with the topic of depression.

I’m not a medical professional.  But I am a human who trusts in Jesus and has struggled with depression.

So I’m going to share the most helpful resource I have ever found on the topic.  It’s not technical.  It doesn’t have any big words.  But when I read it I felt like someone had put words (no- pictures) to how I had been feeling.  I immediately started sending it to all my friends saying: This!  This is how I feel!!

You’re not my real mom.

I have a friend who is working through the incredibly glorious and painful process of caring for a newly adopted daughter.

On the good days, she would tell you about the unspeakable joy that comes when the barriers of blood and DNA dissolve in the baptism of true family that comes through love.  On the hard days, she has to endure the incredibly violating pain of watching this little human look at her and reject her love as insufficient because of that DNA.  The oceans this mom has crossed, the scars she bears that declare her love and evidence her intention – all are dismissed as inadequate.

For the broken days

[My sweet pal Annie wrote this for me a couple of weeks back, on the anniversary of my dad's death. I'm hopeful it will minister to you as much as it ministered to me.]

Every day is broken.

But today feels broken.

I share this dark and broken day with a very close friend of mine. Three years ago today, her dad passed away on my dad’s birthday. This day will forever link our hearts together. Every year, this day comes and I’m doubly broken. I’m broken for the pain she must relive every year on this haunting day. I’m broken for another year that my dad’s birthday won’t be celebrated.

You win.

There are days when all my passionate topics and all the hills I’m ready to die on on get totally eclipsed by a glimpse of something bigger.  Days like December 5th.  Days like today.  When all that matters is that my God is on His throne and He is working all things for the good of those who love Him and all the foolish things that seem so important evaporate in the eternal.

Today I don’t care about scheduling or singleness. I don’t care about the fun I’m missing and I don’t care about the emails flooding my inbox. I don’t care about disputes and disagreements and I don’t care about insults or frustrations.