Aching Heart

[I chose not to include this post in my little series on tough topics.  It does not clearly present a Scriptural position.  

If you want clarity, I think the biblical view is really well represented in this post.  And this one too.]

My heart is aching today.

I have spent the last hour reading hard words; reading words of hurt and pain and listening to the voices of those who have sought to wrestle through the very real challenges of being a Christian and struggling with same-sex attraction.

I’ve been reading the thoughtless and hateful comments on both side of the argument.

My Facebook feed is full of them.  People condemning people on both sides.  And in the middle of it all I know that there are real hearts and real loneliness and real confusion about what this all means.

It makes my heart ache.Screen Shot 2013-07-06 at 4.44.48 PM

I want to stand in the middle of the battle and lift my arms up to both sides and get everyone to quiet down for just a minute.  I just want us all to stop.  I want us to stop hurling thought grenades as if the words we say have no power to damage and destroy.

Each word spoken against Christ’s beautiful bride breaks my heart: she is the labor of my life.

Every word, dipped in disgust and judgement, hurled by those who claim His headship fills me with despair.  It makes me cringe to watch God’s people erect more and more obstacles between people and the safety of His arms.

But if everyone got quiet, and everyone did stop, what would I even say?

Words are too limited to communicate the love and grace of the Gospel, and the deep and costly commands of the Scriptures.  How can both of those things be heard without one muddying the other?  How can they both be believed?

How can my heart hold all the dimensions of the Gospel, let alone articulate them?

Our Christ is impossible to represent in 140 characters.  His views cannot be contained in a blog post.

He is a Person; real and knowable and even when known there are depths to Him that cannot be grasped.

And so my heart is heavy and aching.

Because I don’t know how to represent Him well in this climate.  It’s a mess.

I don’t know how to communicate the depths of His love that are being tragically misrepresented without also misrepresenting my willingness to lay down any part of my life and identity if He but whispers the words.

I hold your faces in my head and there is no way to unpack my heart in this space.

I do not know how this issue can be reduced to a picket-sign for any who longs to love the Lord God with all of who they are and also deeply loves people.

If this feels easy, if the way forward in this seems painless to you, then I can only conclude you have rejected one of those two commands: loving God or loving people.

My heart aches.

I hope that ache is at least the beginning of the right representation of my sweet Jesus.

One thought on “Aching Heart

  1. Hey Fabs, thank you for speaking out, even if just to say that your heart is aching! When our words are lacking (as mine usually are) we can always count on the Spirit to fill the void, and to bring comfort to the hurts caused by those both inside and outside of the church. I can only keep praying for, and pointing others to the powerful Savior who loves recklessly and gave everything that we might live. His humiliation was our salvation. We can’t forget that love, it’s what draws lost sheep home. Thanks for continually speaking that love!

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