Today I launch my grief class.
I have many blogs coming your way on grief, but for today, I’m just going to tell you some true things.
I didn’t know what today would feel like. I thought I might be anxious about if anyone is even going to want it, or nervous because it’s not exactly what I want it to be (because any time you lock your thoughts in stone, you think of how you could have said it better, clearer.)
I’ve spent so much time over the past months talking about this thing we’ve been working on. Talking about how confident I am that it’s the thing God called me to make. And now that today is here – I am (of course) filled with a dreadful insecurity, a timidity that does us both a disservice.
What do you want? I felt Him whisper to me this morning. Ask me for what you want.
I don’t know who ‘they’ are, but I know them. I know we are joined in Christ. I know that it feels like if I squeeze my eyes closed, I could almost be in the pew with them as they sit and watch another friend get married and withdraw quietly from God, feeling guilty about the pain in their own heart. I could almost be with them as they lay flat on their bed and wonder numbly why life is so dreadfully disappointing. I could almost be with them as the sounds of sobs come out of their body with a strangling cry that shocks them.
And, almost with them, I want to stand beside them and tell them – you are not alone. But I know how muffling the darkness can be, and how hard it is to hear that truth, even when you know it is being sung over you in the Heavens.
It’s not perfect, this project – but it is the thing I have made as an offering, as a prayer, as a plea – for you not to be alone.
I made this thing because grief is the way you learn to see in sorrow and darkness. Grief exists so that sorrow doesn’t get the last word, and the darkness itself becomes a cleansing over your eyes, that lets you see more clearly.
I made this thing because we all know in theory we are not alone, but grief? Learning to grieve is learning to experience that truth. It’s learning to hold hands in the dark.
I’m praying God uses these videos. To help create cultures and spaces and rooms where we are just a little less afraid of pain, where we are a little less defined by the brokenness of the world, and a little more free to reach out our fumbling fingers and latch on to glory.
Order the grief class here: www.theinprocesscollective.com/grief