The Miraculous in the Messy

I wrote an Advent devotional once before.  I still remember the feeling as my fingers flew over the keyboard. It was pages of some of the finest writing I’d ever done; heart and soul left on the page.  I was so confident God was in it, that when the feedback came, it took me a beat for to understand what I was hearing.

“It’s too…depressing.”

His words echoed in my mind all day long, until they finally solidified into a simple fear and a question that haunted me for little while too long:  Oh shit.  Is it just me?  Am I the only one who thinks this whole think is kind of a cluster?  

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Oh how fleeting this all is.  This life.  It is in fact just a breath.

One of the people you sit with at the table today will have to endure the loss of everyone else at that table.

I know. I know. So depressing, Fabs.

But is it?  Isn’t it what makes this all so beautiful?  Isn’t it those who were once sick that are so thankful for health?  The rest of us take it for granted.  Isn’t it those have lost homes and possessions so thankful when they once again have a place to lay their heads?  The rest of us feel entitled to our pillows. Isn’t it those of us who know that these bodies we can wrap our arms around today will one day be dust – aren’t we the ones who hold a little tighter?

Advent & laments

I am supposed to be reading my Bible right now and spending time with Jesus.  I am supposed to be working on my Advent Devotional, and/or at least creating social assets to share about my Advent devotional.  But I cannot.

My throat is swollen with unshed tears and un-shared words.

My fingers fly from key to key and I do not know how to wrap this up in words that make sense.

I am so f-ing disappointed in us, church.

That is not written with hate, but grief.  Not frustration, but sorrow.  This is a lament.

Some Kavanaugh thoughts. [V. much in process.]

[**I wrote these thoughts last night, and they’re not all the things I think, they’re just some of the things I’m feeling** I know this is nuanced. I know it’s complicated. I’m not trying to present an articulate argument one way or the other. I’m just trying to explain why some women might be exhausted tonight.]

What a day.  Am I right?

I sat in a coffee shop today, headphones plugged into my phone, restlessly shifting my weight, occasionally head in hands, until the woman I was with gently encouraged me to take a break from the Kavanaugh hearing.