Next 20 days of Advent | And not being believed.

Boy. I tell you what, today’s Advent really took it out of me.  If you’re receiving the daily emails, you might have noticed today’s was a tad delayed.

Today was the hardest one so far, but not in a bad way.  Sometimes a sense of responsibility and the weight of words settles over me and I can’t shake the sense that – this one – this one I want to get right.  This truth is too precious to me to share flippantly.

I don’t know what to say.  I am out of words.  I am humbled, amazed, stunned, leveled by our God who has come to us in the dark of night.

First Ten Days of Advent

Boy oh boy.  I don’t think I did the math right.  It turns out, a daily Advent devotional means that I have to send an Advent Devotional every single day!  Who knew??

Jk jk.

I had hoped to have all this written long ago, but honestly – I have been floored by the kindness of God.  He has met me each morning with the daily bread for that day.  The last Advent devotional I wrote was a LABOR of love.  It really felt like giving birth.  Maybe, because this is a second child – it is just coming a lot easier?  Or maybe Jesus is just being kind.

The Miraculous in the Messy

I wrote an Advent devotional once before.  I still remember the feeling as my fingers flew over the keyboard. It was pages of some of the finest writing I’d ever done; heart and soul left on the page.  I was so confident God was in it, that when the feedback came, it took me a beat for to understand what I was hearing.

“It’s too…depressing.”

His words echoed in my mind all day long, until they finally solidified into a simple fear and a question that haunted me for little while too long:  Oh shit.  Is it just me?  Am I the only one who thinks this whole think is kind of a cluster?  

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Oh how fleeting this all is.  This life.  It is in fact just a breath.

One of the people you sit with at the table today will have to endure the loss of everyone else at that table.

I know. I know. So depressing, Fabs.

But is it?  Isn’t it what makes this all so beautiful?  Isn’t it those who were once sick that are so thankful for health?  The rest of us take it for granted.  Isn’t it those have lost homes and possessions so thankful when they once again have a place to lay their heads?  The rest of us feel entitled to our pillows. Isn’t it those of us who know that these bodies we can wrap our arms around today will one day be dust – aren’t we the ones who hold a little tighter?

Advent & laments

I am supposed to be reading my Bible right now and spending time with Jesus.  I am supposed to be working on my Advent Devotional, and/or at least creating social assets to share about my Advent devotional.  But I cannot.

My throat is swollen with unshed tears and un-shared words.

My fingers fly from key to key and I do not know how to wrap this up in words that make sense.

I am so f-ing disappointed in us, church.

That is not written with hate, but grief.  Not frustration, but sorrow.  This is a lament.