Confession #8:

I sometimes judge people and sometimes I judge people who judge people

This is a fascinating one for me.  Most people judge in some capacity, but it plays out very different for prodigals and pharisees.  You wouldn’t know that by watching me though because, once again – I manage to display symptoms of both.  

Confession #7: 

I sometimes am a repeat confessor 

So, sometimes I do something horrific in the sight of God.  As the Spirit convicts, I repent.  I mean, I repent old school style with tears and gnashing of teeth and such (as if the larger the display the more grace I’ll get).  Then, two hours later when I remember what I feel guilty about what I did, I repent again.  Two days later, I repent again.  Two years later, I still throw in some repentance for that same thing, trying to push away the guilt through something other than faith. 

Confession #6

Sometimes I leave places just to test if I’m missed

I love that part in the prodigal sons when the eldest son leaves the party.  And by love I mean hate.  Because it’s the story of my life.  In that moment when I feel insecure or afraid I just kind of shut down.  And I retreat into myself and I sit there, aloof, dying for someone to notice enough that they’ll come after me.

Confession #5:

When I sin, I sometimes feel confused about how Jesus could love me

 

Man.  This is a kicker.  This is that confession that reveals those places inside your heart that act like they’ve never heard the Gospel.  I hate this confession.  I hate that feeling or thought when it rises up in my head or my heart.  My thoughts rebuke my feelings: ‘fabs?! do you even KNOW the Gospel?!’

Confession #4:

I sometimes measure sanctification the wrong way

Sure, only a pharisee would need measurables in the first place.  But, according to my personality test at work I’m also an achiever so I love goals and I’m going to assume that that’s not ALL my sinful pharisee self.  It is only natural that I would look for those small sign posts and goals that reveal to me that I am actually growing in sanctification.  The problem is, as a Pharisee, I often look for the wrong things, and then God humbles me in incredibly painful ways to remind me that being able to control my cussing at fellow drivers in traffic doesn’t necesarily indicate heart change when i still feel so much anger at them inside that I grip the steering wheel so tightly that it hurts.