In an old house I used to live in, there were weeds that nestled right up to the walls. They wrapped around the house, seemingly seeking to hold it, when really they sought to strangle it. I have always thought of my failure this way, the darkness in me. Snuggled right up next to who I am, but unable to infect it.
What a strange feeling it is, to sit in a place you love and know that all of your life makes sense on paper, but to feel so strangely out of place or out of sorts, adrift and at sea. This feeling can mean a few things for me. It can mean I have something I need to grieve, something I haven’t processed, or a dream that I am gripping a little too tight that’s causing me to subconsciously withdrawal from Jesus.
But sometimes it’s just that I miss my friend, Jesus. I wish He was here with me. I wish I didn’t let stupid things crowd Him out.
Is it new? This restless longing? I’m like a horse in the starting gate, waiting for someone to tell me it’s time to run.
I’ve been working on a thing. (I’ve worked on so many things, building out places and spaces and resources is as much a part of me as the fingers that type out my thoughts as fast as I can think them.) But now, I’m been working on a thing that I will invite you into. I’m calling it The In Process Collective.
Well, if you’re paying attention you noticed that I certainly have NOT been posting daily. In fact, it took me an embarrassing amount of time to figure out which day of Lent this is supposed to be.
There was a time when I would have called this (sort-of-jokingly and sort-of-not) a failure.
But those days are happily a thing of the past.
The goal of writing every day was two fold: (1) doing something me and Jesus both value – and doing it together. (2) prioritizing something that is important to me (writing). Prioritizing it today, instead of thinking that a magical time is around the corner when writing will just happen into my schedule.
Happy Day 7 of Lent. In the name of getting to bed at a reasonable time, I’m going to keep this short and sweet.
I think there’s a really simple, great thing we can do to promote love and intimacy in all our relationships: be honest about how you’re feeling. Don’t feel like talking about something? Just saying that sometimes makes talking possible. Feeling weird and disconnected? Just saying that out loud sometimes sucks the distance right out of the relationship.
So tonight, for Day 7 of Lent, try it out with God.