Weary and restless and ready

Sometimes, when I can’t pray, I write.  It’s a step that sometimes helps me find the thing that is stuck in my heart, the thorn that is keeping me from Him.  Sometimes it’s sin, sometimes it’s just confusion, sometimes it’s pain.

What I know today is that there is this restlessness inside my soul, that is shifting around more and more each day, making me too uncomfortable to ignore for much longer. Sometimes it feels like an ache, sometimes like rage, mostly like desperation.

Jesus or His bread?

I laid in bed last night and tried to open my heart to Him. I tried to tell Him what I was feeling and articulate what I was longing for or aching for but there was just this sadness.  A weariness.  So I closed my eyes and went to sleep banking on new mercies.

And here they are to meet me.  Not in the way I would prefer, which is waking up feeling good and clear and excited about the week ahead.

Why do we suck at forgiveness?

I was watching a reality TV show last week and there was a woman on the episode who kept telling another woman she had forgiven her and that she loved her even though it was so obvious that she wanted nothing to do this woman because of what she had done.

I kept shaking my fist at the screen. I guess I’m a little bit weary of people confusing words with realities.  As if saying ‘I forgive you’ means we forgive someone.  As if saying “I love you” fulfills that command.

Lent 12: prove it

This was a theme that came up on a panel I watched today: prove it.

There’s a temptation we each experience: to talk about doing some amazing project or some great idea we have or the book we want to write or the job we want to have or the trip we want to take.  And the challenge from the panel was – don’t talk about it, just do it.

There are no shortage of people in the world talking about the things they want to do, and some of us – as was pointed out on the panel – even confuse the talking with the doing.   Once we’re through unpacking an idea we sort of feel like we’ve accomplished it.