When words won’t work

I thought I’d find the story here, at the edge of the world, looking out at the mountains and the ocean.  I thought I’d find out how all these words fit together.  All these words that are in me but refuse to be massaged into the whole. I know they belong together. I feel it in my soul, but I cannot for the life of me find the spine that would let them stand together, straight and strong.

They are disjointed, separate and yet full and fat in my soul.  Thoughts thrown on a page that so clearly connect in this mad mind of mine, but the connection is impossible to capture.  It dissolves each time I reach for it.

When words won’t work

“I wish you would write again!”

I hear that sometimes these days, at parties or when I bump into people in coffee shops.

Oh, the thought comes thick and fast in my mind with a little bit of an edge to it, I’m writing. 

I’m writing. Hours and hours of writing. Writing my thesis, writing blogs, writing stories, writing books.  Pouring words onto a page that I thought would be hard to find but are hard to hold back.  Trying to wrap words and narratives around these experiences that make up this thing we call life.

Lent 24-25: finals got me like…

I’m writing. Right now. I’ve just been studying, and I’m about to be studying, because I have finals next week and this ain’t the kind of content that I can master without some serious work.

Which leads to a thought I’ll share with you.

When I was young I never worked hard (or at all) in school and college.  I was almost proud of the way I wouldn’t work.

7 sneaky symptoms of shame

The more I study shame, the more convinced I become that basically everyone struggles with it.  And the more I study shame, the more apparent it becomes that while many of us have shame issues, very few of us are aware of that we have shame issues.

The nature of shame is that it longs to hide its nature.  Shame is ashamed of even itself. Very rarely does it make its presence known.  Instead, shame wraps itself up in other emotions, forcing you to play emotional Whac-A-Mole, keeping you engaged in a battle on one front while your opponent actually dwells somewhere else altogether.

God-hunger

I like the Snickers commercials. The premise is that you’re not yourself when you’re hungry. You behave like a totally different person and you have no idea why. Then you get food and realize: oh! I was just hungry!  

When I was a kid I remember every time I would get upset about something my family would exchange glances and ask one another when was the last time I ate. I have learned to spot my signs of hunger. Irritability, mental confusion, shakiness are all symptoms that prompt me to check my stomach and consider whether or not I might need food.