thinking things about life and Jesus and stuff
Sneaky pride.
It messes everything up.
Pride is behind the anxiety I feel when I prepare to teach. It urges me to meditate on how much I have to lose or gain. Pride nudges me to plan more than I pray. Pride prompts me to flinch in shame when someone talks about sin that hits a little too close to home.
Pride, whether it wears the mask of boasting or of self-deprecation, is constantly beckoning my heart to pull up a chair and watch a story-of-me unfold.
Pride is a soul set on self.
One of my favorite moments of The Gospel Coalition Conference was listening to CJ Mahaney speak about Adoption.
He shared a story from Garrison Keillor about a feeling I’m pretty familiar with:
The thing about pride is that it’ll kill you. Forever.
The other thing about it is that it’s super hard to identify. Pride is a distorted view of self. If you ask someone who has that disease to tell you what they look like, the very nature of the disease makes it impossible for them to tell.
You cannot conclude that you don’t struggle with pride because you don’t see pride in your heart. You must instead investigate pride by looking out for the symptoms (I stole this straight from a killer Jonathan Edwards essay):
In my last post, I talked about the great and glorious results of the Gospel: no one can be against us, no one can condemn us and no one can separate us from the love of God.
On Friday night I sat in a coffee shop and I kept reminding myself of these truths: fabs, God is for you! He is working all things for your good!
And I kept trying to latch on, but my heart still felt so…trembley and unbelieving.
In moments like that, it’s helpful to me to remember that God hasn’t just given us Romans 8:28-35. Those verse are conclusions.
Everywhere I turn I hear the four little words: ‘If I just knew…’
Somehow we have all begun to believe the lie that knowledge about the future would free us up to enjoy and obey today.
If I just knew that I was going to be able to have a baby one day, this time of trying to get pregnant wouldn’t be so hard.
If I knew my kid was going to become a Christian at some point, I wouldn’t be so worried.