I was watching a reality TV show last week and there was a woman on the episode who kept telling another woman she had forgiven her and that she loved her even though it was so obvious that she wanted nothing to do this woman because of what she had done.
I kept shaking my fist at the screen. I guess I’m a little bit weary of people confusing words with realities. As if saying ‘I forgive you’ means we forgive someone. As if saying “I love you” fulfills that command.
As for Ted and Sandra’s house, they will serve the approval of mom and dad because it makes their reign and rule a lot easier.
Joseph would rather people worship the idol of money for an extra six months, than see them be set free through someone other than himself.
Instead of being willing to do whatever it takes to help his wife prioritize her worship and intimacy with God, Bob is willing to watch her worship the idol of family as long as he benefits from her idolatry.
Well, when you say it like that…
I recently did an interview for a girl who is considering going into ministry. One of the questions she asked me was what do you wish you’d known about working for a church? And the answer that came to mind was: I’d wish I’d known that coming on staff has a way of making some peoples’ grace dissolve.
I think back to the girl I was when I first started in full time ministry. Mid-20’s. Eager and arrogant. Absolutely oblivious to the ways that her personality, mistakes, weaknesses and sins were going to hurt people. Oblivious to the punches she was going to take because of her personality, mistakes, weaknesses and sins.
Here’s how I’ve spent a lot of time this week: thanking God in my car.
I like time in my car. Mostly because my introvert self can curl up inside my music and crawl inside the worlds in my mind.
The music menu usually consists of musicals (the good ones), music that falls within my self-titled ‘Dawson’s genre’, and/or country. The two recent exceptions have been: (a) when I have a toddler in tow or (b) when a friend releases a new album.
This week my car time has been cannibalized by the latter. I’ve been listening to my buddy Jimmy’s new record and it has me thanking God for two reasons:
Sneaky pride.
It messes everything up.
Pride is behind the anxiety I feel when I prepare to teach. It urges me to meditate on how much I have to lose or gain. Pride nudges me to plan more than I pray. Pride prompts me to flinch in shame when someone talks about sin that hits a little too close to home.
Pride, whether it wears the mask of boasting or of self-deprecation, is constantly beckoning my heart to pull up a chair and watch a story-of-me unfold.
Pride is a soul set on self.