finding peace.

I woke up this morning feeling it in every part of my body.  The stress starts in the pit of my stomach and bubbles up through my vertebrae, infecting my muscles.

I honestly couldn’t tell you what I am stressed about.  Work has been busy, there are tasks unfinished with immovable deadlines, there are so many tops spinning that one is going to fall on my watch, but honestly – I’m no stranger (and some might say I even enjoy) the chaos of this kind of work.  I’m behind on projects desperately important to me (stay tuned for grief videos!), but agin, that’s nothing new.

Salty.

I’m not sorry for all the recent rants, but I do feel sorry for those around me who are trying to live normal lives and process normal things and can’t get through a simple conversation without some fire coming from me.

I’m restless you see.  As restless as this culture of ours, with its swelling waves.  If you will take a single step outside your normal spheres you will feel the water rising.  Tides are turning. and things are changing.  This world is restless, and so am I.

Jesus or His bread?

I laid in bed last night and tried to open my heart to Him. I tried to tell Him what I was feeling and articulate what I was longing for or aching for but there was just this sadness.  A weariness.  So I closed my eyes and went to sleep banking on new mercies.

And here they are to meet me.  Not in the way I would prefer, which is waking up feeling good and clear and excited about the week ahead.

Lent 9: thanking thoughts

Day 9!  I’m honestly surprised I’ve made it this far.  (I mean, in Lent writing, not in life – although, that too).

I’m exhausted tonight. Much to do and no time to write, but discipline is only discipline if you do it when you don’t have time or inclination.

Here’s a feeling I have today: gratitude.  I’m thankful.  Filled with thanks. Much of it.