Next 20 days of Advent | And not being believed.

Boy. I tell you what, today’s Advent really took it out of me.  If you’re receiving the daily emails, you might have noticed today’s was a tad delayed.

Today was the hardest one so far, but not in a bad way.  Sometimes a sense of responsibility and the weight of words settles over me and I can’t shake the sense that – this one – this one I want to get right.  This truth is too precious to me to share flippantly.

I don’t know what to say.  I am out of words.  I am humbled, amazed, stunned, leveled by our God who has come to us in the dark of night.

First Ten Days of Advent

Boy oh boy.  I don’t think I did the math right.  It turns out, a daily Advent devotional means that I have to send an Advent Devotional every single day!  Who knew??

Jk jk.

I had hoped to have all this written long ago, but honestly – I have been floored by the kindness of God.  He has met me each morning with the daily bread for that day.  The last Advent devotional I wrote was a LABOR of love.  It really felt like giving birth.  Maybe, because this is a second child – it is just coming a lot easier?  Or maybe Jesus is just being kind.

The Miraculous in the Messy

I wrote an Advent devotional once before.  I still remember the feeling as my fingers flew over the keyboard. It was pages of some of the finest writing I’d ever done; heart and soul left on the page.  I was so confident God was in it, that when the feedback came, it took me a beat for to understand what I was hearing.

“It’s too…depressing.”

His words echoed in my mind all day long, until they finally solidified into a simple fear and a question that haunted me for little while too long:  Oh shit.  Is it just me?  Am I the only one who thinks this whole think is kind of a cluster?  

Advent & laments

I am supposed to be reading my Bible right now and spending time with Jesus.  I am supposed to be working on my Advent Devotional, and/or at least creating social assets to share about my Advent devotional.  But I cannot.

My throat is swollen with unshed tears and un-shared words.

My fingers fly from key to key and I do not know how to wrap this up in words that make sense.

I am so f-ing disappointed in us, church.

That is not written with hate, but grief.  Not frustration, but sorrow.  This is a lament.

This day.

[I wrote all this on Thursday BTW. So. ya know. go with it.] 

I love this day.  We have much to remember on it – He and I.

This day a few decades back (give or take a few years) You were wrapping bones and cells and ligaments around this soul that is me.  You were expanding lungs to inhale air.

This day a couple a thousand years ago (or at least what we remember on this day) You were staring down Your worst fears.