Our Uncomposed God

I’m typing this sitting in a doctors office in Boston, Massachusetts.  I’ve traveled across the country to sit in a chair beside one of my dearest friends in the world and so I can hold her hand while people say really hard things to her and operate on her and give her shots in very unpleasant places.

Recently, I have a bit of an empathy situation. It’s out of control and awkward.  Today my sweet strong friend was doing AWESOME in her appointment and there I was – on the verge of tears.  Hold it together fabs. Hold it together.

Resources on depression

Obviously the internet is all a-twitter (see what I did there) with the topic of depression.

I’m not a medical professional.  But I am a human who trusts in Jesus and has struggled with depression.

So I’m going to share the most helpful resource I have ever found on the topic.  It’s not technical.  It doesn’t have any big words.  But when I read it I felt like someone had put words (no- pictures) to how I had been feeling.  I immediately started sending it to all my friends saying: This!  This is how I feel!!

For the broken days

[My sweet pal Annie wrote this for me a couple of weeks back, on the anniversary of my dad's death. I'm hopeful it will minister to you as much as it ministered to me.]

Every day is broken.

But today feels broken.

I share this dark and broken day with a very close friend of mine. Three years ago today, her dad passed away on my dad’s birthday. This day will forever link our hearts together. Every year, this day comes and I’m doubly broken. I’m broken for the pain she must relive every year on this haunting day. I’m broken for another year that my dad’s birthday won’t be celebrated.

I am being restored

He restores my soul.

It might be one of the most famous passages of scripture:  

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. (Psalm 23:1-3 ESV)

He restores my soul.

My soul feels…tattered.  It feels bent and broken, by sin, by suffering, by this world.

But He restores my soul.

Perseverance in disguise

I still remember the way the chair squealed slightly as she twisted toward me.  I remember the thinly veiled urgency in her voice as she looked at me with pleading eyes and asked me: ‘Where is He?!’

I remember the rasp of desperation in her tone and I remember feeling a moment of doubt.  It was one of the first times I realized that my churchey answers weren’t enough for the hurting and the broken.  My simple and shallow theology didn’t know what to do with a God who wasn’t showing up.Screen Shot 2014-05-25 at 7.51.57 PM