July 9.

Today is the seventh July 9th since the July 9th that I flew from Italy to London.  I touched down, and drove to our destination, and turned my phone onto the wifi and heard the soft ping of the message letting me know it was finished.  He was gone.

I sat in a room by myself for a few moments, and heard strange sounds coming out of me that were sobs I supposed, but felt fake.  And then I got up quietly and left the 15+ women I was leading on a mission trip to get on a train to get to my sister’s house.  I sat in the fading rain, waiting for her to pick me up from the station, my heart hollow and numb and absently watched as the clouds parted and the light and mist turned into a rainbow.

Is this grief?

The first time I was personally introduced to the concept of ‘grief’, it was almost seven years ago to the day.  I was sitting across the table from a dear friend in a coffee shop.  I was trying to wrap words around all the strange feelings I was having after coming back from a couple of weeks with my father – who was – at the time – dying of pancreatic cancer.  Dying, but not yet dead.

“Oh Fabs,” she said to me, leaning close with tears in her eyes, “you’re grieving.”

And we’re live…

Today I launch my grief class.

I have many blogs coming your way on grief, but for today, I’m just going to tell you some true things.

I didn’t know what today would feel like.  I thought I might be anxious about if anyone is even going to want it, or nervous because it’s not exactly what I want it to be (because any time you lock your thoughts in stone, you think of how you could have said it better, clearer.)

Grief class…wha?

Hi hi!

Check out the neat-o trailer for grief class!  Don’t let the fancy words through you off.  Here’s what you’ll get with this thing:

(1) Six online videos you can watch whenever you want.  The videos cover:

  • What is grief & why do I need to do it?
  • Skills for facing intense feelings
  • The thoughts we have about our wounds that make it hard to process them
  • How can we help our brains make sense of life’s curve balls?
  • Tasks of processing wounds in a healthy way
  • Grieving with God

(2) A workbook to help you work through specific wounds in your life

(3) A group study option is available that includes cool conversation cards to help you process with your pals!

This will all be available next Monday!  Woohoo!!!

Easter

 

What is there to say on this day?

That the Lord is risen? He is risen indeed.

I feel it pressing in on me today, the weight of it pushing on every square inch of the skin of my soul: an awareness of the kindness of the Lord to me.

And I could fill your Instagram feed with pictures of His kindness: of the faces of faithfulness and the bountiful gifts, but it is not of these things that I speak.  I speak of the pain, of the mistakes, of the failure, of the darkness.  How kind He has been to me through these things.