Denying Self vs. Self Care

I ended 2020 with Long Covid, a Staph infection on my face (that’s right ladies and gentlemen), and a concussion.  (A window fell on my head.  That’s not a metaphor.  That’s classic 2020.)

What this means is that I started 2021 with extreme fatigue, constant headaches, random fevers, and an attitude that it would be benevolent to label ‘irritable.’

I started the year living in the studio behind my sister’s house.  Seemed the perfect way to be cared for: they cooked me meals, gave me space, did my laundry.  The one unforeseen complication is that I’m sort of obsessed with my nieces (aged 4 &1).  It’s hard to prioritize laying in bed when a glorious little red-head asks you if you will come to her tea party and another glorious little red-head squeals when you accept the invitation.

Praying the Psalms

I’m into the Psalms these days. They’re teaching me how to pray in this broken world.

(I actually hate typing that.  They’re not intended to be a lesson on prayer.  They weren’t written as a curriculum to instruct us to survive the tension.  They’re just us listening in as real people pour out their hearts through poetry.  Songs are not always meant to be sermons.)

But I’ve been watching the psalmists sing their songs for some time now, and I’ve noticed this rhythm fills a lot of their prayers:

  1. God – this is who you are (e.g. your steadfast love never fails)

Thoughts for white people (like me).

One night, a few friends and I got into a conversation about the Holocaust. One of our group, who was from Austria, got visibly shaken, upset, and grieved. She explained to us that her people feel a Collective Shame over what happened. One by one our group tried to comfort her: but you weren’t alive when that happened! You didn’t do anything! Who knows what you would have done if you had been there? 

Emotions in a time of Coronavirus.

Well, sh*t seems to be getting real out there.

There’s nothing like slowing down to make you aware of all the feelings.   Many of us can feel them creeping up: a sense of grief for past losses, anxiety, loneliness, disappointment with areas of your life.  Maybe you’re feeling feelings sourced in this situation, and/or maybe this situation is revealing feelings you already had; all the feelings you’ve been trying to outrun

Here are few things to keep in mind as you navigate emotions in a time of Coronavirus:

Spot the Symptoms