[Ladies and gentleman. Meet Annie
Hanks Lent. You’re in for a real treat today ’cause she’s a very talented writer. God has written our stories so that they are gloriously and painfully similar and I can’t help but be thankful for that. Annie has been honest and real and raw and she has given me the courage to be the same. I’m so so thankful for her. I hope you enjoy her as much as I do.]
I am a runner.
No, not a healthy marathoner or even exerciser, but an escapist, a hider. In the fight or flight syndrome, I am the poster child for flight. I hide out in hours of food network. I escape to favorite boutiques or pubs with friends. I curl up in novels or throw myself in theological works way over my head. Anything to distract me from the here and now.
In my great escape, I went to see David Ramirez play at a dark and crowded pub. There is nothing like sitting shoulder to shoulder with strangers with the music rolling over us and seemingly tying us all together in a relatable and charming anguish.
And then in his languid throaty voice, he sings “deal me in”. And the false therapy session of shared understandings of sadness, ends.
Why don’t I say this? Live like this? Commit like this? Fight like this? Why do I instead throw my cards down with a defiant “fold” as soon as I see that I don’t have the makings of a straight or a full house?
There is this part of me that wants to be a fighter. The part of me that wants to be the kind of girl who goes all in, regardless.
One of my favorite words in scripture is “nevertheless”.
One of the most powerful times this is used is when Jesus said, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”
I want this kind of fight in me. The kind that says –
In spite of my fists feeling like they have been injected with lead, I’ll fight.
Despite my knees cracking against each other with nervous fears, I’ll stand.
My mouth is dry and my voice feels empty, nonetheless, I’ll speak.
Remove these burdens that my shoulders are too small to bear.
But even if you don’t, deal me in.