It’s killing me to not send an email right now.
I’m typing this blog post, in part, to keep me from sending emails I shouldn’t send.
It’s not what you think.
I’m anxious because I didn’t get everything done yesterday at work, and so there are emails in my inbox. And even though today is my sabbath, I can’t stop thinking about replying to them.
So, I have a couple of options before me:
Option one: take ten seconds to send an email.
All I have to do is open up my inbox and take ten seconds to send a couple of quick emails apologizing for the delay and buying me some more time. Ten seconds. Within ten seconds I could make this anxiety go away. Within ten seconds I could make sure that no one I work with thinks I’m irresponsible. Then I would be free to focus on my sabbath without the stress I currently feel.
Sounds so good. Ten seconds. That’s all it would take to save me from this anxiety.
Option two: wait till tomorrow.
I could refuse to save myself from this anxiety through a change in circumstance. I could trust God with managing my reputation, rest in the command He gave me to stop working today and be faithful with every ten seconds I’ve been given.
More than that, I could use this anxiety. I could use it to show me places in my heart where I am finding my identity in work instead of the finished work of Jesus. I could use this anxiety to make me needy for a Savior.
Tomorrow – I will send the emails and then the anxiety will be gone. I will no longer feel such a need for Jesus to help me. This next 24 hours is a limited time opportunity to cling to Jesus to rescue me from anxiety.
It may seem like a small thing – picking between option 1 or 2, but I think it is these small decisions that will determine the trajectory of our lives.
We are constantly investing our time in this world or the next. Every ten seconds I’m given is going to be food – either to fatten up my love and dependence on Jesus or to feed my insecurity and self-centered worldview. Each shred of anxiety gives us the opportunity to testify where our help will come from.
Honestly, spending them on Jesus doesn’t guarantee me the quick emotional fix that sending an email would bring. But I think enduring this nagging desire to take action is an investment worth making. Cause wherever your treasure is – there your heart will be. The more I invest in faith in Him, the more my heart will catch up until I finally feel nothing but perfect peace and joy when I see His command to rest.
Jesus will not be a half-Savior to anyone. He cannot be the Savior of our eternal destiny without being worshiped as Savior of our anxiety on a Friday afternoon. He will not be used to get me to Heaven; He must be acknowledged as Lord over every area of my life, including my work inbox.
Exploit your anxiety.
Do not look to action or circumstance to save you. Wait on a better Savior.