Sometimes I think about what will happen. I imagine how I will feel if I lose someone I am not sure I can live without.
I feel anxiety flood my veins at the anticipation of the thought.
Anxiety will always be there when you place yourself mentally and emotionally in a situation for which you do not yet have the grace.
You do not have the grace today for all the ‘might-be’ moments of your future. No wonder you feel ill-equipped to handle them; you are not equipped.
In the moments when the bottom drops out, the grace you need to persevere will be there; just enough to keep you from falling out of your world.
I wrote these words on July 9th two years ago:
I am not sure how I feel. Overwhelmingly sad. Overwhelmingly thankful…
So many kindnesses.
It doesn’t make it hurt less.
But it does make the pain have a bottom. The ground is under me; a firm foundation of grace to curl up in and cry.
I worship you for your great grace. For your tender kindness. For your sovereign will. I trust him with you. You are a safe refuge and a sovereign King.
Whenever I wonder ‘how will I survive the pain this world might hold’, I remember that day.
July 9th. With all its pain and gratitude and worship.
So much grace.