July 9th

Sometimes I think about what will happen.  I imagine how I will feel if I lose someone I am not sure I can live without.

I feel anxiety flood my veins at the anticipation of the thought.

Anxiety will always be there when you place yourself mentally and emotionally in a situation for which you do not yet have the grace.

You do not have the grace today for all the ‘might-be’ moments of your future.  No wonder you feel ill-equipped to handle them; you are not equipped.

July 9th reminds me that the grace will come when you need it.  

In the moments when the bottom drops out, the grace you need to persevere will be there; just enough to keep you from falling out of your world.

I wrote these words on July 9th two years ago:

I am not sure how I feel.  Overwhelmingly sad.  Overwhelmingly thankful…

So many kindnesses.

It doesn’t make it hurt less.

But it does make the pain have a bottom.  The ground is under me; a firm foundation of grace to curl up in and cry.

I worship you for your great grace.  For your tender kindness. For your sovereign will.  I trust him with you.  You are a safe refuge and a sovereign King.

Whenever I wonder ‘how will I survive the pain this world might hold’, I remember that day.

July 9th.  With all its pain and gratitude and worship.

And grace.

So much grace.