July 9th

Sometimes I think about what will happen.  I imagine how I will feel if I lose someone I am not sure I can live without.

I feel anxiety flood my veins at the anticipation of the thought.

Anxiety will always be there when you place yourself mentally and emotionally in a situation for which you do not yet have the grace.

You do not have the grace today for all the ‘might-be’ moments of your future.  No wonder you feel ill-equipped to handle them; you are not equipped.

July 9th reminds me that the grace will come when you need it.  Screen Shot 2013-07-06 at 4.23.43 PM

In the moments when the bottom drops out, the grace you need to persevere will be there; just enough to keep you from falling out of your world.

I wrote these words on July 9th two years ago:

I am not sure how I feel.  Overwhelmingly sad.  Overwhelmingly thankful…

So many kindnesses.

It doesn’t make it hurt less.

But it does make the pain have a bottom.  The ground is under me; a firm foundation of grace to curl up in and cry.

I worship you for your great grace.  For your tender kindness. For your sovereign will.  I trust him with you.  You are a safe refuge and a sovereign King.

Whenever I wonder ‘how will I survive the pain this world might hold’, I remember that day.

July 9th.  With all its pain and gratitude and worship.

And grace.

So much grace.

4 thoughts on “July 9th

  1. “Anxiety will always be there when you place yourself mentally and emotionally in a situation for which you do not yet have the grace.” I love that – so true! Praying for you today, that grace continues to surround you on this anniversary.

  2. Beautifully written. “Anxiety will always be there when you place yourself mentally and emotionally in a situation for which you do not yet have the grace.
    You do not have the grace today for all the ‘might-be’ moments of your future. No wonder you feel ill-equipped to handle them; you are not equipped.”

    Thank you.

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