Loosing my head.

In the spirit of the truth I figured I’d invite you in on what I’m currently processing.  I usually like to wait until I’ve reached some sort of conclusion, but what the heck.

I’ve been thinking a lot about everyone’s favorite topic: headship.

Before we go any further you should know: I’m a big fan of male headship.  So, if that’s not your cup of tea, just keep in mind that we’re not coming from the same place.

Headship is a sticky subject for those of us singles who value it, because most of us don’t feel like we have it.

If we want something and God wants something it seems like the math should be pretty simple.  Lack of headship can be confusing.  Why would God hold out on us if we’re both on the same page?

I’ve wrestled with this flippantly a million times before: who is my head if I’m single and my dad isn’t walking with God?  

The thing is though, headship isn’t determined by the moral integrity or spiritual health of the head, it’s just determined by relationship.  A wife doesn’t get to deny her husband’s headship cause she doesn’t think he’s a good leader.

I would have said (in my angsty way) that I didn’t have male headship 3 months ago.  But I was wrong.

It’s different now. Even though my dad didn’t walk with Jesus, even though he lived literally 10,000 miles away, I guess he was still serving in some way as my head.

I know that because all of a sudden I feel desperately detached and the only way I know how to describe it is: I feel like I need headship.  

My gut feels the weirdness, the unnaturalness of all this.

I’ve been turning the Bible over and over trying to figure out what God’s plan is for me, a victim of the ‘headship loop-hole’.  Honestly, He doesn’t talk about it a whole lot, but there are a couple of things I think He really wants me to know:

1.  God cares about those without headship. There are 42 different verses with the word ‘fatherless’.  There is only one verse that I can find with ‘orphan’ in it.  I’m not saying God doesn’t care about orphans.  I’m saying that He seems to think those without headship are orphans in a way.

2. God wants me to know that He’s gonna provide for those without headship. You know how we can tell what God cares about?  We can tell by the amount of energy He spends communicating it in His Word.

God barely spends any time unpacking the theology of male headship for single and fatherless folks.  On the other hand, He spends a healthy portion of time explaining His role in their lives.

God is much more concerned with me grasping His role in my current status than me understanding a theological argument.

And I gotta tell you, this week I’ve seen that play out in my life.  He’s there at every turn.

The people in my life are acting like they’re having a contest to come up with the craziest ways to bless me.  I’m so thankful for them it makes me want to cry, but honestly – no offense – but it’s pretty evident that God is the one behind all of these sweet kindnesses.


He’s kind of my favorite.

3 thoughts on “Loosing my head.

  1. Wow. Timely. My heart has been broken lately over this. I didn’t ever call it headship, but I sat in my married friend’s living room and cried over the lack of it the other day. My dad’s an unbeliever and weirdly uninterested in directing my life (this is a new thing. He’s usually very into that), and I’m single. Thank you for this post, Fabs.

  2. Dear Fabs,
    I cannot express enough how thankful I am to God for using you and your gift for writing in my life. Finding your blog was one of the many blessings I’ve received in a chain of little presents God has given me in one of the hardest seasons of my life.

    Most of the questions, doubts, and conversations with God that you pose in your posts have come through my mind in many stages of my life. When I read you, I feel like I know you and also like I’m listening to some of my own thoughts. Besides helping me convince myself Im not crazy, haha, your blog has reminded me there is nothing more important than being honest and humble before the Lord. Our righteousness has little to do when it comes to justifying ourselves. He’s already done it. I’m so glad He’s the head of my whole life.

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