[I’ve had a lot of questions based on a post I wrote about bad boundaries. So, I asked a couple of my fave ladies their thoughts on five questions. Today’s thoughts are from my dear pal and ministry partner Theresa. She’s the one who taught me about the question:“are women crazy”?]
1. What is your current stage of life?
Married with a kid. (That’s so weird to say!)
2. Do you think guys and girls can be friends? Do you have male friends? Describe those friendships!
It depends on what you mean by friendship. Can I have the same kind of relationship with a guy that I have with my good girlfriends, sure. But is it healthy and wise? Not for me. I know my heart. And I know that deep down it’s easy to cross boundaries in the most innocent situations. And so I’ve chosen to guard my heart. To guard my heart and fight the temptation to connect with a guy in a way that was only meant for my husband. Sure, I have male friends. But those friendships are in the context of my relationship with my husband. And I save the deep stuff for him and my girlfriends.
3. What is one thing you wish you’d done differently in regards to male friendships when you were single?
I wish I would have guarded my heart emotionally, not giving to guys what they didn’t ask for. I wish I would have enjoyed the friendship for what it was rather than wishing it was something it wasn’t I wish I would have been thankful for what God had given me rather than dwelling on what I thought I was missing out on.
4. When you were single, what was your view of dating? What is your current view of dating?
Not much has changed in my views of dating over the years. To go on one date with a guy, no strings attached, I think it’s fine and fun. But to commit to dating a guy, I always took that a little more serious. I didn’t want to commit to a guy I couldn’t see long-term potential with. You marry who you date. So why go down that path with a guy who isn’t the type you’d want to end up with?
5. What boundaries did you (do you) have with guys? What is your current view on that?
As far boundaries, I know my heart. I know it’s dark. I know what I’m capable of. So I’ll put up every and any boundary necessary and pray that the Spirit protects my marriage and gives me the grace to pursue purity. On a practical level, a couple of my boundaries are:
- I don’t share with guys things I wouldn’t share with my husband.
- In the absence of my husband, I keep discussion pretty surface and brief.
- I don’t have long personal phone conversations or Facebook chats.
These aren’t just rules for me, but they are perimeters that help me keep my heart in check when it comes to other guys.
I would love to hear from others of you out there how you would answer these five questions! Email me or comment below.