My computer battery has 13% as I start to write this blog post.
Reason says to wait until it is charged. Logic says that I have a folder of drafts that I could share with you. My common sense says that the thought I want to share is not fleshed out enough, not polished enough to share in this brief moment, (not when only 10% remains now.)
But I can’t breathe in and out right now without a catch in my breath at the glory of the Gospel.
This truth we call the Gospel – guys – it is insane. Offensive. Confusing. Terrifying.
And can we truly believe it? With trembling hands, can we grip onto it?
Can any of us really wake and believe that all the sins that haunt us can be left behind in the pig pen as we head home to a Father who is ready to embrace us? Do any of us really trust that our biggest failures are remembered by Him no more? What kind of Father refuses to point at our past to pressure us to good behavior moving forward? What kind of Father stands ready to run toward any who turn back toward Him as their hope?
And maybe we believe this Gospel for some people – but could any of us truly believe this grace is enough for anyone who is willing to trust in it?
Is this grace really for those who have hurt us the most? Who have betrayed and forsaken us? Do our souls not twinge at the idea of our sweet Father embracing them with such delight? Offering them His great and precious promises?
Is this grace really for the men who pulled the trigger that day in the street my friend was taken from us? Is this grace really for those who would take a father from his son and a husband from his wife? Is God’s love waiting even for them?
Is this grace really for me? Can it even spill inside the deepest failures and the most shameful corners of my life and flood my self with light? Is it true that no one can bring any charge against me now? That He will be my lawyer, my defense, and has already been my judge – declaring me innocent in a great cosmic mixup that was no mixup at all – when my Jesus was found guilty of all the stains on my soul and my soul was painted with His purity.
Can this be the good news for absolutely anyone – no matter what? If they will just trust it?
It feels too good to be true.
Yet, at the same time, I see today how it might feel too terrifying to trust.
Because what is there to steady us in the free fall into His grace? To lay your life in the hands of this God and throw yourself on the mercy of this Gospel is a fearful thing. Where nothing is earned – nothing can be controlled. Where nothing is bought – nothing is owned. We – who feel uncomfortable with even the generosity of our friends – who keep track of their favors and make notes to repay – how can we embrace this life of grace, if first we are required to drown in a generosity so deep that it is the only air we will ever breathe again?
Surrendering our own resume is perhaps more horrifying than working to change it. Trusting His great provision is maybe terrifying than stealing our own scraps.
As for me, I will trust this terrifying and tremendous Gospel. I will bank on His Word. Where else would I go?