On Sept 24, 2010 I wrote this in my journal:
‘I want the name of Jesus to be on the tongues of the women around here. And I want it to be the delight of the nations. And I want to be a part of that.’
I love moments like the one I had when I wrote that; moments when I really do want what is right. They’re rarer than I might like.
Most days I find myself figuring out what to write based on what I think you guys want to read. My choice of blog posts is driven by what I think will get you to subscribe.
The series on ‘craziness’ was fun for me because I got to process a lot of the weirdness that I see in my heart. But I’m challenged and convicted. Do I really think my thoughts can change hearts? Are my ‘tips’ on emotions really the best balm God offers us? Don’t get me wrong, I love sharing what I’m processing, and I think God uses weird girls like me. But maybe at some point this blog really did become too much what the title professes: thoughts from fabs.
At the end of the day, I am no more reliable a source of reality than your feelings. We have to stop basing our lives and our eternity on what others tell us is real and what feels ‘true’. How many of us think we can know God primarily through feelings? How many of us think we can know God deeply and intimately through a sunset?
You can’t know me by listening to a friend of mine talk about me. And you can’t know me by watching what I do and sensing things about me. You can only know me if I reveal myself to you.
Gosh. When did we start thinking that we get to define who God is based on how we feel?
God has chosen to reveal Himself. He has chosen to do it in a way that isn’t subjective to our perceptions or emotions. He has chosen how we should know what’s real: through His Word.
How well do you know God? The answer to that question is inextricably linked to this question: how well do you know the Bible?
If you’ve been keeping up with the controversy surrounding Rob Bell’s new book, Love Wins, you know how sneaky it can be when we define God based on feeling. We can end up cutting up the Bible until God is made in our image instead of us in His. Kevin DeYoung says this in his review of the book:
” Love Wins is for those who have heard a version of the gospel that now makes their stomachs churn and their pulses rise, and makes them cry out, “I would never be a part of that””
As Al Mohler says, the books seems to be written to ‘rescue Christianity from the Bible‘. By the grace of God, this isn’t a self-righteous rant. It’s coming from a place of genuine sadness at the state of my own heart. I don’t want to be someone who seeks to give those around me the Christianity I think they want to hear instead of the Christianity that God holds out unapologetically. Of course that’s not my intention. But I know that you don’t become that person overnight. It happens gradually. It happens when we start using the Bible to validate our feelings. It happens when we start making the text say what we want it to say. It happens when I start writing based on what I think you want to read instead of writing based on what I think God calls me to write.
I’m not sure what comes next on this blog, but I pray that every ‘thought’ I share bleeds Bible. I can already see my site stats dropping. I know it doesn’t sound as sexy as emotional sandboxes and emotional outbursts. It feels like it will be less relevant, less radical, less exciting, but I’m gonna try to model for you what I’ve been writing about. Reality – as defined by God – says that there is nothing more relevant, nothing more radical, nothing more exciting than the truth in His word.
I’ll do my best to faithfully apply it to the very real struggles of insecurity that I think affect so many of us. I’ll do my best to reveal that His word is delicious and more relevant than my words could ever be. I’ll do my best to get out of the way.