Advent & laments

I am supposed to be reading my Bible right now and spending time with Jesus.  I am supposed to be working on my Advent Devotional, and/or at least creating social assets to share about my Advent devotional.  But I cannot.

My throat is swollen with unshed tears and un-shared words.

My fingers fly from key to key and I do not know how to wrap this up in words that make sense.

I am so f-ing disappointed in us, church.

That is not written with hate, but grief.  Not frustration, but sorrow.  This is a lament.

Some Kavanaugh thoughts. [V. much in process.]

[**I wrote these thoughts last night, and they’re not all the things I think, they’re just some of the things I’m feeling** I know this is nuanced. I know it’s complicated. I’m not trying to present an articulate argument one way or the other. I’m just trying to explain why some women might be exhausted tonight.]

What a day.  Am I right?

I sat in a coffee shop today, headphones plugged into my phone, restlessly shifting my weight, occasionally head in hands, until the woman I was with gently encouraged me to take a break from the Kavanaugh hearing.

Plants that grow in houses and darkness that lives in love.

In an old house I used to live in, there were weeds that nestled right up to the walls.  They wrapped around the house, seemingly seeking to hold it, when really they sought to strangle it.  I have always thought of my failure this way, the darkness in me.  Snuggled right up next to who I am, but unable to infect it.

Nothing new.

There is no new information this morning.

It’s not news to me that if Jesus is truly the key to rest and life and joy, then I have access to rest and joy and life all the time.  Nothing has to change about my life for me to be present and find life and rest and all that I’m searching for.  It doesn’t lie on the other side of a circumstance, it lies in Jesus, who is mine now.