Inauthentic faith

I know I need to write a blog post.

I would say I even want to write a blog post.

But time and energy are two things that cannot seem to get in the same room at the same time right now.

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I have thoughts – whirling in my mind – thoughts about God and His righteousness and His goodness and His sovereign rule.  I have thoughts about grief and darkness and what it looks like to care for people in the middle of this mess of life.  I have thoughts about doubt and unbelief. I have thoughts about the Word of God; the sword of the Spirit that is an anchor to the soul when the waves wash over you with a force you never dreamed.

Places I cannot take you

I wish I could take you back there with me: kneeling on the floor in that studio as I listened to my friend defend the Gospel with a fierceness that I have rarely seen in her soft sweet spirit.

I wish I could explain to you how laughter blended with tears bubbled up as I spoke the deepest, most authentic words of my days, laying on the floor of a hotel and begging God to save the world.

Top ten posts from the past year

Here are the top ten posts from the past year.

A painful plea to women of the Church

Man. Who knew this post would be so controversial? But I stand by these words, especially given my December.  I desperately want 2014 to be the year that all of us forgive the Church and learn to love her – even at her worst. I pray we speak of her with love and grace, and not just the parts of her that are made up of the people we enjoy, but the parts of her that are made up of the people who we dislike; who have failed us.

Questions to consider

Every year, I walk through these questions at the end of a year and the start of a new year.  

It takes a while to answer ‘em.  They take prayer and thought.  But I love that they help me ‘consider my ways’ instead of just labeling highs and lows from 2013.  They help me make space to hear where God is leading me in the next year, instead of just making ‘resolutions’.  Nothing wrong with resolutions, but for me they usually involve trying to pull myself up by my boot straps and raise up false saviors, pinning my happiness and healthiness on my works and not God’s.

I can’t go back

It’s hard to know what will come out as I start typing these words.  My spirit is a mess of emotions.

I only know this: I can’t go back.  photo

I can’t go back to talking about the baby Jesus in the manager as if He’s safe and cute and cuddly, instead of the King of everything.  I can’t go back to talking about the Church like she’s a product to be evaluated instead of a family full of broken but blood-bought creations, treasured by the living God.  I can’t go back to using the word forgiveness to describe a lack of hatred instead of a glorious love and unity.