Things I don’t like include:
- reading this morning that if all the spiders got together and decided to eat humans, they could eat us all within a year.
- when Christians say they’re experiencing spiritual warfare when really they are having normal life problems.
- when I start wondering if I’m experiencing spiritual warfare, but don’t want to say anything because I don’t want to be a Christian who says they’re experiencing spiritual warfare when really I’m just having normal life problems.
But I’ll tell ya this – in the days since I hit post on this women’s thing/in process collective situation – things ain’t been breezy.
I’m not sure how to describe what’s going on, but I do know that it doesn’t feel ‘normal’ to me. It feels dark and a little terrifying and involves me in the fetal position more than I would have opted for.
Lying in bed crying the other night I said out loud to whoever was listening (God or satan or my dog) – “BTW – if this is spiritual warfare – I don’t get the point. I’m still going to do this thing. The invites have gone out, ya know? I’m not cancelling now!”
I woke the next morning and sat at my desk and clicked open the document I have that is filled with prayers for this thing that I began praying long before I knew what this thing was. And I yawned. And I felt a little internal eye roll and deep sign of “what’s the point?” and closed the document.
And I realized – maybe the goal here isn’t to cancel anything. Maybe the goal is just to convince me to lose hope that anything could be different because of June 4th; as if one night could change anything or anyone.
Maybe the goal is just distraction; getting me to take my eyes off God and put them on myself – or whatever the people say.
But the jokes on you, stupid. Cause God and I made a deal (He made most of it) a while back where He promised to fulfill His purpose for me, and you can keep me looking at myself all day long – because I like what I see. I’m a new creation now and this glorious ‘us’ that He has birthed inside of me contains the Spirit of the living God who raised your arch nemesis from the dead.
And all you’ve succeeded in doing is making me think that God is going to do something crazier than I ever dreamed on June 4th.