On my twitter feed the other day a link popped up for a ‘Christian husband checklist’. I knew that this list was likely to irritate me (or potentially make me wrathful), but I clicked the link anyway.
I’ve seen and heard a lot of lists like this. I met a girl once who told me over our first cup of coffee that she would never marry a guy who wasn’t a virgin. On the list I checked out the other day my personal highlight was the requirement for a guy who is ‘completely healed of all his baggage’.
I tried to think of what I would put on my list and I’m kind of at a loss. Here’s my whole list: 1. MUST LOVE JESUS.
I guess I think that takes care of everything.
Must love Jesus means that he must love Jesus. I don’t want someone who says he’s a Christian. I don’t want someone who says Jesus is the most important part of his life. I want someone who believes that Jesus IS his life. I want someone who loves Jesus more than he loves me.
I think a man who loves Jesus will have a couple of symptoms in his life. First, he’ll be repentant. A man who loves Jesus isn’t a man who doesn’t sin; he’s a man who repents.
I also think we will need to share a common view of Jesus. I think there is room in a relationship to disagree about some elements of theology. But there are certain foundations of my faith that I need us to share. When the rubber hits the road in my life, I want to be standing by people who share my beliefs of the inerrancy of Scripture, the nature of the Gospel and the sovereignty of God.
I’m not sure what else I would really put on my list.
Look, do I want a man who is completely healed of all his baggage? Sure. Do I want to marry a guy who is pure? Do I want to marry a man who is never deceived by a love of power or approval or comfort or control? I guess that would be good. But honestly – I only know one guy who fits that description. His name is Jesus.
I think if someone shares my view of the gospel, then they probably won’t have ‘completely healed of all her baggage‘ on their list. I don’t know how you can look at the glory of the Cross and walk away convinced that you deserve to marry someone who has outgrown sin and folly.
This morning I read a great article:
Some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation…Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires. This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner. - Tim Keller
Maybe I’m missing things on my list. Maybe I’m naive, but I really think if someone loves Jesus – really loves Jesus, that kind of takes care of everything.
That may mean that they’ve mastered financial stewardship, but they still struggle with porn. That may mean they’ve conquered lust, but battle with pride. The evidence of a man who loves Jesus is not found in conquering a specific sin struggle, but rather in his endurance in the fight.
Don’t look for the perfectly healed champion. He’s already waiting for you in Heaven.
Look for they guy who is covered with scars from the fight. Look for the guy who is bloody and bleeding with this huge grin on his face because he’s confident that the war is already won. Don’t stare at each other too long. Link arms or get back-to-back so you can make each other stronger before the next attack.
Then fight your way home to your true Hero.