Why I love angsty romance.

In an attempt to get through my identity crisis, a friend suggested I think through the things that I KNOW are true about myself.

I’ve been making that list and I’ve got to say, a) it’s a short list b) it’s pretty depressing.  Turns out I’m all the things I never wanted to be.  Exhibit A: pretty high on the list is the embarrassing (nay – humiliating) reality that my parents attempts to make my a cynical realist didn’t work.

Sure, I learned how to play the role of cyncial realist REALLY well. But deep in my heart I can’t hide it: I’m addicted to angsty romance.  Sigh.  Sorry ‘rents.

I feel more alive when I’m listening to my ‘Dawson’s Creek’ genre of music on my playlist.  That’s right. I have a ‘Dawson’s Creek’ genre category.  I love the rain.  I’m more comfortable with negative emotions than positive ones.  I’m more sure of myself when I’m sad.  I’m in love with the idea of tension and drama in a relationship that leads to the point of romance.

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I know what all you cynical realists are thinking, cause I think it all the time: that isn’t love.  That isn’t romance.  True love is not filled with angst.  It’s filled with peace.

But hang with me here for a second , because I can’t help but think maybe, deep down, I love angsty romance because I’m an image bearer of God.

Maybe you and God have a different deal going on than me and him, but my history with Him is anything but angst free.

Open the Bible to any page in the Old Testament and you’ll see a picture of angst.  Read the book of Hosea and you’ve got angst that puts Gone with the Wind to shame.   There is no shortage of tension in the relationship between God and His people.  There’s a relentless pursuit and a constant rejection and a conquering hero who takes a stoney heart and makes it soft.

Sure, I let my desire for angsty romance lead me to sin.  But, at the very bottom, the reason I love angsty romance isn’t because I’m a fallen messed up girl obsessed with the world.  (Although, I am all those things.)  The reason I love angsty romance is because my God made me for the story He’s writing.

Knitted into my soul is a deep desire for angst that resolves into a happy ending, because that’s the story I was made for; it’s the story of God and His people.

It goes terribly wrong, (obvi).  With my blurred vision, I see God’s story as an echo to point me to understand earthly relationships.  That’s backwards.  The story of God does not exist to help me understand marriage.  Marriage exists to help me understand the glory of God.

I want to fight my sinful tendencies in relationships.  I really do.  And not so I can have a healthy earthly relationship.  (okay, if I was Pinocchio, my nose would just have grown about 20 feet, but assume for a minute I mean what I say).

Here’s the deal: if I don’t work all my weird issues out this side of heaven and never get to be a part of a healthy earthly romantic relationship, all I lose is a breath – a moment – of something temporal.  But if I don’t fight to receive the love of a Father – if I don’t fight my tendency to sabotage and run when love is given freely and without cost, than I might miss out on the eternal joy I was made for with Him.

I want to fight my weird issues because that’s how God perseveres those are His.  He calls them to work out their salvation with fear and trembling because He’s giving us that power each minute of every day.

If I get to be married, it won’t be a prize for having arrived, it will be another way to work out my issues so that I can be ready for the day when I get to meet my real prize: Jesus.

Phew.  Enjoy the angst while it lasts folks because the happily ever after is coming.

9 thoughts on “Why I love angsty romance.

  1. “If I get to be married, it won’t be a prize for having arrived, it will be another way to work out my issues so that I can be ready for the day when I get to meet my real prize: Jesus.”

    Amen!! I remember reading “Lady in Waiting” as a freshman in college, and thinking I had to work out all my issues and get holy before I could be married. Uh, no.

  2. It’s so easy to take our eyes off Him and His glory and focus on what’s (not) in front of us temporally. How often I look up and say “what’s this, it looks broken? Is this really the life that you’ve given me?” How foolish and arrogant. While I’m looking 5 feet ahead, I forget the same God who has perfectly created and holds together all things is actively molding me with each day. Even the messes He’s allowed me to create are in His will and I am too powerless to make His plans fail. I deserve death, but He has given me life instead! And not only mercy, but grace abounding! If I think He is withholding any good thing from me, then His word is in error. But since He is every bit the God He claims to be, let us smile and remember our Daddy knows best. Proverbs 16:9 says it well.

  3. Lol! Girl… seriously. seriously?! Loving that angsty kind of love is a direct result of Hollywood brainwashing. And indulge this sort of thinking and you will believe me in a few years after you have some experience-knotches on your belt. And quit spiritualizing it.

    Are you listening to yourself? You just wrote an article justifying your love of trouble and angst and misery. LOL! May I tell you what that is? I’ll tell you anyway. That’s naivette.

    1. “I’m more comfortable with negative emotions than positive ones. I’m more sure of myself when I’m sad.”

    2. “I’m in love with the idea of tension and drama in a relationship that leads to the point of romance.”

    Those two statements have nothing to do with one another.

    The first statement means that deep down you are a strong confident woman. It means that you have strong will.

    The second one means that you are afraid of bringing out your strength and confidence and intolerance. It means you have allowed yourself to be weak. It means you want to please people rather than live PRECISELY as you believe.

    Stop thinking like that.

    DEEP DEEP DOWN you are a strong confident woman. You know wrong from right. But you neet to stop hiding that and live precisely as you believe.

    The reason you are having a crisis is because you are not true to the person God has called you to be. And deep down, you know who this is. Only you and God know. It’s going to take courage and hard work but you need to show us this person. Not this crazy, hesitant, unsure girl. And quit trying to justify it. That’s another Hollywood lie. Expect more of yourself.

    You are getting there.

  4. Fabs, I totally get what your saying and I do not sense that you are justifing anything. What I hear you talking about here is that GOD GIVEN desire in your soul, deep in all of us, that is PROVOKED BY LOVE. We were made for love. . .HIS love (romantic love is but a small taste of that).

    Rather than “angst” is it possible what your really talking about here is THIRST? And thirst SHOULD make us miserable and sad when we drink from the wrong source as we are left unsatisfied. And since all of us have that thirst, it does make for trouble (sin) when we look to each other or other sources apart from God. AND it is messy sometimes (think drama) as we try to love each other as Christ would have us love.

    And thirst DOES NOT make you “weak” or “wrong” but rather alive. Exactly what we were created to be…so ultimately we can drink of the True Living Water that quenches out deepest thirst…I believe that’s the happy ending you were refering to!

    Thanks for your honesty and wisdom…another sign of your being alive and thirsty for HIM!

  5. Thank-you so much for your honesty and wisdom. I have found your site extremely helpful in dealing with the emotions of singleness while constantly being reminded to draw close to Jesus to be my everything. Thank-you!

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