You win.

There are days when all my passionate topics and all the hills I’m ready to die on on get totally eclipsed by a glimpse of something bigger.  Days like December 5th.  Days like today.  When all that matters is that my God is on His throne and He is working all things for the good of those who love Him and all the foolish things that seem so important evaporate in the eternal.

Today I don’t care about scheduling or singleness. I don’t care about the fun I’m missing and I don’t care about the emails flooding my inbox. I don’t care about disputes and disagreements and I don’t care about insults or frustrations.

Maybe this is what it feels like for the kingdom to be with us here and now: poverty isn’t over and heresy hasn’t been silence, but for just a second my priorities seem aligned with His and I can feel the rejoicing of Heaven over one repentant sinner.  And I can experience how that delight eclipses the joy over the 99 who never needed a Savior in the first place.

And for just a second, there is sense to be found in the suffering.  There is speaking to be heard in the silence.

Maybe this is my version of being caught up into the heavens: not just knowing that God is sovereign and good, but feeling that reality in the deepest parts of my soul.  And experiencing the blessed consequence of belief: apathy toward the things that too often feel so urgent, and urgency toward the things to which I am too often apathetic.Screen Shot 2014-07-18 at 6.33.27 PM

You know how we say that God’s glory is our deepest joy?  Can we talk about how crazy it is that God’s glory actually IS my deepest joy?  Seeing God flex His muscles, seeing Him as He is – it isn’t like some dull underlying sense of peace – but it produces a real throbbing painful delight greater than anything I’ve experienced in the arms of any treasure this world has to give.  How crazy it is that what we believe is true?

This is why people with the gift of faith are so happy all the time.  Because they have eyes to see the things that the rest of us Thomas-ey types demand proof to believe.  But, meet my God – the One who came for the Thomas-ey types.  The One who is willing to give me days like today where I get to put my hands in the wounds made by me and  touch the proof  that He is exactly who He claims to be.

I’m no fool. I know the wilderness lurks ahead with all its hunger and all its pain, but today I walk on dry ground with a sea parted around me and tomorrow can take care of its own worries.  Today, I’m going to spend my time gazing at the inside of the Ocean controlled for me by the power of His faithfulness.  Today, I’ll pile rocks up as high as I can, so that when I wander out in that wasteland again I’ll have the truth in my rearview mirror.  Today I will squeeze my eyes shut and push into His pain with my fingers and memorize the feel of His love.

3 thoughts on “You win.

  1. What a beautiful gift. I join you in praising God for that. Thank you for sharing your joy and reminding me that his Glory is my greatest joy.

  2. Wow. This is absolutely beautiful. I’ve been following your blog since I saw you at Breakaway in College Station. Your thoughts and words help me look at things in a new light. Like many, my journey with God has been a difficult one and I’m still trying to find my way. I’m not sure if I have the words to clearly express myself, but just know that this post helped. Thanks.

  3. Amen sister! Piling those rocks up right with you so I can look in my rear view mirror too when the valleys hit–it’s those days when He gives me a glimpse of His perspective that pulls me thru the darker times. How awesome is our God!!!!!!!!!!

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