A thanksgiving table activity that cultivates gratitude
A simple practice that activates the parts of your brain that actually register gratitude
Thanksgiving seems to lend itself to…thanksgiving; gratitude. Sometimes we try to incorporate that by having our folks go around the table and have everyone say one thing they’re thankful for - but, interestingly enough it turns out this isn’t how gratitude really works in the human brain.
I’ve shared before my evidence-based ‘rules’ for gratitude and here’s a simple practical way to incorprate them into your thanksgiving rhythms today:
Have each person say something they’re thankful for about the person sitting to their right*
—> Make it specific (deep > wide remember)
—> Bonus points if this is something that person has meant in their life or some way that person has impacted them personally. (This is the distinction between praise and gratitude: how someone has impacted you).
—> Say it TO the perons, eg: “Bob, I’m so thankful for the way you notice people around you. You’ve been such a huge part of helping me feel like I belong at this table.”
As this is happening, do your best to turn your attention to your internal experience. It’s tempting to spend the time thinking about what you’re going to say when its your turn (but you could even give folks some time before to avoid this). Notice how it feels to watch someone be thankful for someone else. The sensation you have as you watch someone give genuine gratitude, and you see feel the impact someone has had on another’s life - it lights up your brain in a really powerful way, (even when it doesn’t involve you).
AND - most importantly - when the person next to you is talking about you, resist the urge to laugh or make jokes or try to get away from the feeling of vulnerability. This sensation inside of you - the vulnerable receiving of gratitude is actually the key to deep changes in neurological structure around gratitude!
*If you’re at a smaller table or have the time, you could go around one person at a time, and have everyone say something they’re thankful for about that one person. 🥹
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For those who don’t have a table today, or who are at a table where gratitude isn’t the primary vibe, here’s a few options for a little practice you can do solo:
Option one: Journal thruogh a moment when someone in your life has expressed their gratitude for you. Focus on what they said, or how you impacted their life.
Option two: Number 1 was really hard for me. You can also think of a story you’ve heard of someone who has impacted someone’s life in a profoud way. And try to amplify that sensation - the sense of feeling moved by the story. This was hard for me to do as well, but I ended up getting caught off guard by this podcast and found myself weeping halfway through.
Option three: Sit with God today. There are so many reasons to be thankful for God, but - at the risk of activating some people’s anxiety - try something a little different this thanksgiving. Sit with God and ask God - why are you thankful for me? What do you love about me? How have you used me to impact others? If that feels so prideful to you, think of it like you are sitting down with the best artist in the world, and having a love fest about one of their favorite pieces of art. Because that is what you are.
