"They didn't mean to..." "They didn't know..."*

*phrases guaranteed to get me ranting

One of the most misunderstood pieces of Spiritual Abuse or Coercive Control is this idea of intentionality. When I work with people recovering from Church abuse, they often will say to me about their leaders: “But they didn’t mean to,” or “But they didn’t know what they were doing,” or “But they didn’t know this was happening!”

I wonder if it reflects o…