Thoughts on second chances & friendship, plus a poll and some links
Happy Leap Year!
Happy Leap Year Day! Here’s what we got in this newsletter!
🤔 A thought I’m processing [on second chances]
💕 A thought I’m loving [on friendship]
🗳️ A poll [on how we’re doing]
🔗 Some link love
📆 A full recap & links to this past month’s posts
🤔 A thought I’m processing [on second chances]
In my younger years, I created a Discipleship Program with a coworker. I remember so clearly the feeling in those early days of dreaming. We had such a sense of God moving; of this thing being meaningful and mattering.
When I look back now - there is a lot I’m proud of and there are so many things I’d do differently. So many values I have now, that I didn’t have then; parts of myself I hadn’t yet met.
And now I find myself, here in 2024, getting to try again. And oh-boy, how differently I’m doing things this time around. What’s changed, you ask?
I think I’ve always had a value for discipleship that facilitates emotional and mental health, as well as spiritual, but now I actually have an education that helps me do that (🙏 to all who helped me get my first MSc!)
I know I always valued people thinking for themselves and figuring out their own beliefs (rather than telling them what to believe), but now I know a lot more about how coercive control works, and how easy it is to influence people. I know more about the power that comes with being a perceived authority and also how deeply our cultural lens informs how we interpret the Bible; how impossible it is to be ‘objective’ and how arrogant it is to be certain about a lot of things.
I have always valued people bringing their full selves to Jesus with confidence, even the parts we don’t like - but now I have a more Jesus-centered approach, (vs. a theology-centered approach). Plus, I have tools like Internal Family Systems and a million other therapeutic approaches that have added color to what I mean by “bringing full self to Jesus” and transformed what that experience feels like.
Anyway. Long story short: I’m more excited than I have been in a long time about getting to work through some of this stuff with people.
(Even if you don’t go to my church, if you’re Austin-based, you’re welcome to join for anything we offer. If you’re interested in hearing more, you can let me know here.)
💕 A thought I’m loving [on friendship]
If you’ve ever heard me talk about romantic love, singleness, or friendship, then you’ve probably heard me rant about how much our culture devalues friendship, idolizes romantic love, and creates unnecessary obstacles around singleness. In the church, we do all that, and then ALSO make you feel bad if you don’t like being single. We set up a nice double bind. Marriage and family are held up as the place where optimal sanctification can occur, God can be most glorified, and the source of maximum happiness and purpose. But also - if you want it too much - you’re either naive, or you’re not trusting God; you’re not content in singleness.
Don’t even get me started on the endorsed relational abandonment that single people endure in the church. (Essentially, friends abandon friends when their ‘person’ comes along, and that is not only normalized, but if you have a problem with it, you’re being selfish. Those with families are taught that their friends should be the last relational priority - and told that this is how God wants it. Single people are expected to not only accept this, but to celebrate it. 🤢 🤮) ← (this is gonna be its own post because I’m getting so heated while I type it.)
Okay, okay. Sorry. But all this is a little backstory to why I loved it when a friend forwarded this to me this month:
🗳️ A poll [on how we’re all doing]
I’m not sure if you all saw the viral Elmo situation, but, long story short, it has become clear that a lot of us are just…not doing great.
I was having coffee with a friend recently and she asked me: do you think anyone wakes up feeling happy about their life? I told her that the strange thing for me is, despite the sh*tty stuff, chronic illness, and a lot of fractured dreams, I think I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while. But I think I might be an exception.
So, in the words of Elmo…
Some link love
Most played song this month
Six questions to ask yourself daily
A poem I love: Instructions Upon my Death
A great tool for responding to emotions
A caption I love
An unexpected message I gave this month on the messiness of Church (🤢 )
📆 What you missed in February
Below are some links to thoughts I’ve shared this past month! (Please note that some of my messier thoughts and musings are behind a paywall. You can read more about why I do that here, and feel free to upgrade your subscription to access them.)
Compassion Fatigue - or why I can’t care anymore
Journaling prompts for Lent (week 2)
Journaling prompts for Lent (week 1)
Powering Through (aka bad ideas)
I love the concept of friendships fulfilling something no other person in your life can fill. Anam Caras!