Thoughts on coercive control in church, the nature of love, and April Fool's Day.
Thoughts on coercive control in church, the nature of love, and April Fool's Day.
March newsletter
Happy April! Here’s what we got in this newsletter!
🤔 A thought I’m processing [on coercive control in church]
💕 A thought I’m loving [on love]
🗳️ A poll [on April Fool’s]
🔗 Some link love
📆 A full recap & links to this past month’s posts
🤔 A thought I’m processing [on coercive control in church]
The more I learn about coercive control, the more convinced I become that so many of our church spaces have enacted policies and processes that are unintentionally damaging.
It’s such an important idea: the thought that you could - with the best of intentions - be participating in coercive control and Spiritual Abuse. If you love Jesus - surely this has to be up there with your worst fears. Which is why it’s so surprising to me that more people don’t want to learn about this. It’s surprising to me that churches don’t want their leaders and pastors trained on coercive control, power dynamics and ethical pastoring.
I’m curious about why that is. I have some thoughts.
Maybe it’s because they don’t know what they don’t know - so it’s hard to feel a need for learning in that area. Maybe it’s because people don’t know how damaging coercive control is and how it plays out. Maybe it’s because - in our church cultures we often over-moralize things and speak as if ‘sin’ (or bad things) can only happen with our willing and conscious participation. So, we search our hearts, and if our intentions are good, we conclude we can’t be doing anything bad. Maybe, leaders in the church started so young, and participate in such a closed loop that they have no idea that they are - in fact - not experts on psychological development and care, cultural components or mental health. Maybe it’s because some leaders feel a need to protect the brand that they say is the church of Jesus Christ, (but often, when you dig deeper, they really mean their specific 501 c-3). ‘Protection’ often means not exposing areas where they might be struggling.
Anyway, part of the reason I went back to school for this is because I want to make sure that one of the reasons is not: they don’t know how to get this kind of training.
💕 A thought I’m loving [on love]
Love this gem:
“The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love - whether we call it friendship or family or romance - is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light” - James Baldwin
🗳️ A poll [on April Fools]
As I type this, I am currently shaking because one of my employers April fooled me BIG TIME today. (It was kind of a Winston in New Girl situation) Even though I now know it wasn’t real, I still can’t shake the anxiety. Kind of like when you wake up from a dream and you know it’s a dream but you have the emotional hangover.
So, here’s this month’s poll:
Also - here’s the results from last month’s poll for those who are curious:
Some link love
An article I published this month that I’m really proud of. It sounds like it’s about Long Covid, but it’s really about body image.
Some sweet otter footage. I like that the baby looks like it’s not real in the second frame.
Some beautiful encouragement to hold on.
I love these different ways to find rest (and different kinds of rest).
Most listened to song this month: here.
📆 What you missed in March
Below are some links to thoughts I’ve shared this past month! (Please note that some of my messier thoughts and musings are behind a paywall. You can read more about why I do that here, and feel free to upgrade your subscription to access them.)