It's July 🥵 and I've got some stuff I'm processing

Like making space for shame, and anger, and some links I'm loving.

Here’s what’s in store in this newsletter:

• 🤔 A thought I’m processing on making space for shame

• 💕 A thought I’m loving on anger

• 🔗 Some link love

• 📆 A full recap & links to this past month’s posts

🤔 A thought I’m processing [on making space for shame]

I’ve been doing a lot of Internal Family Systems work and it has me rethinking the hard anti-shame stance I’ve taken in the past. In my life, I’ve done a lot of work to notice and exile any shame narrative in my head. I’m kind of ruthless about it. But now, IFS is helping me reconsider. I’ve got a new perspective on that shame voice.

IFS reframes that shame as some part of me that is doing its best to keep me safe. Shame is the tool it was trained to use to do that good work. The idea is that at some point, that voice emerged in the absence of a healthier option. That part of me truly thinks it’s helping me move towards what is best by speaking that way. It is trying to help. And what that part needs is not exile or rebuke, but comfort and relief. It needs to be freed up from having to feel responsible for keeping me safe. It needs to be reassured that I have better ways of doing that now, and it needs to be set free to go play or hope or whatever it is that that part originally wanted to do before it got delegated the task of keeping me safe, which is way above its paygrade.

💕 A thought I’m loving [on anger]

I’m going through The Artist’s Way again and loving it. This thought on anger has me pondering a lot this week:

“Anger is not [the enemy]. Anger is our friend. Not a nice friend. Not a gentle friend. But a very, very loyal friend…It will always tell us when we have betrayed ourselves. It will always tell us that it is time to act in our own best interests.

Anger is not the action itself. It is action’s invitation.

THOUGHTS??

🔗 Some link love

• The Artist’s Way. If you haven’t been through this, do it.

• A sermon on the Third Way that I get a lot of questions about these days

• A book for anyone who wants to be a part of building a healthy church

• A cheat sheet for identifying more nuanced feelings

• A song I’m loving

• A TikTok bringing me joy

📆 What you missed in June

Below are some links to what I’ve shared this past month! (Please note that some of my messier thoughts and musings are behind a paywall. You can read more about why I do that here, and feel free to upgrade your subscription to access them.)

• Danger ⚠️ ⛔️ 😬 - my favorite quote from this post “I cannot remember why I thought being constantly afraid was evidence of a healthy relationship.”

• Yearning vs. Love - Learning to tell the difference between "I love you" and "Love me!"

• Church Hurt - a post on finding better words

• Discovering ourselves & facing our feelings - Even - or maybe especially - the ones we wish weren't there

• Some thoughts on toxic religion, having what you need & what you missed in May!