We made it through Halloween and now…the time has come! 🎄 🎄 🎄

Here are some final Fall thoughts as we move into the most wonderful time of the year!

• A thought I’m processing on patterns & intention

• A thought I’m loving on belonging

• What you guys have been processing this month

• Some links I’m loving

• A full recap & links to this month’s posts

A thought I’m processing [on patterns & intention]

(I just shared about this on the most recent mini-episode of the podcast-ish thing but I cannot stop thinking about it.)

I have been learning about the UK’s Serious Crime Act (and particularly the areas that include laws around control/coercion). I have been struck by the legal requirement to prove that coercion was intentional. One has to prove that the controlling was done on purpose. That was strange to me, as so often an abuser or cult leader thinks that they are ‘helping’ the victim by controlling them. Sometimes, their experienced intention is not to harm. So, I asked a professor about it and her answer has been circling my mind ever since.

She said that from a legal standpoint - pattern implies intentionality. Like, if you can prove a pattern of control, then - from a legal perspective - you have proved intent to control.

🤯

I mean.

Game changer. What a thought: that the things we do over and over again - even the things we hate or resent or regret - from a legal standpoint would be considered intentional. Because we have the chance to make different choices, and we don’t.

From a personal perspective - from a church leadership perspective - from a lot of perspectives - this is really really really….significant to me. 🤯

A thought I’m loving [on belonging]

“we belong because we were born and we are loved because we exist.”

-K.J. Ramsey

(felt timely because of the next section)

What you guys have been processing this month

Belonging. I don’t belong in many spaces, more so in the Christian spaces.

Ugh. Why does it seem harder for people to belong in communities that claim to be founded on radical inclusion?

Codependency is the natural outcome if you were raised to only deny yourself in order to serve others. As women, our highest compliment is “she’s so selfless” 🤢

Very timely as my TimeHop today was a photo of a quote from the Artist’s Way: “Afraid to appear selfish, we lose our self.”

Surrender, hearing the voice of God, God’s gentleness with us.

I’ve been thinking about this too. Mainly because I’ve been wondering: what do people mean when they say they are ‘hearing the voice of God?’ Would love to hear some of your thoughts on that!!

Can one actually have a good relationships with a narcissist? Can boundaries even exist in that case?

What do you guys think?

Where does our inablity to manage anxiety come from?

Such a great question. It often seems strange to me that we teach so many things to kiddos in school, but never have I heard of a class on emotional regulation. Or boundary setting. Both of these things seem like really important tools to have to manage anxiety in our current climate.

Some links I’m loving

• 3 ways couples respond to bids for connection

• Something I can’t stop looking at

• 5 Conversations to have with yourself

• A good reminder regarding emotions

• A book I’m reading

• A sleepy owl

What you missed this month

Below are some links to what I’ve shared this month! (Please note that some of my messier thoughts and musings are behind a paywall. You can read more about why I do that here, and feel free to upgrade your subscription to access them.)

• On noticing other people’s bodies

• On over spiritualizing

• No Church is perfect (how I wish we’d stop saying that in the wrong context)

• I am all here (which is surprising)

• Podcast-ish thing // Ep 1:11 - They didn’t mean to (or did then)